Years from now, I’m going to think that I did not appreciate parenthood enough, especially during the first few months. I was tired and short-tempered. I went back to work only 3 months and spent more hours at the office than at home. I gave up on breastfeeding. I’m going to think all of this and have regrets.
That’s why I’m writing (and sharing) this to remind myself that despite working, I did enjoy motherhood. I did take moments out of my busy schedule, ignoring to-do lists and my poor dogs and showering, to just cradle a sweet-smelling tiny baby for the hundredth time. I did make sure that feeding time was fun and bonding, even if I wasn’t there for every mealtime. I did have time to play, even if I was tired from lack of sleep.
I’ll try to remember that even stay-at-home parents do not play with their kids every single second, even if they have more time at home. I’ll try to remember that we all do our best for our families.
I need to do this. Right now my memories are still of exhaustion and hunger (hers and mine–she would wake up, and I would change her, nurse her, change her, and pump, and then she would wake up again, so that I never got to eat much). But I also remember the day that I thought, “Hey, the last couple of days haven’t been as tough.” I remember the first time she really smiled, and the first time she kissed me, and the growly conversations she would have with the small bear hanging over her bassinet. I remember the afternoon she woke up, gazed blearily at me, and murmured a sleepy, contented “Mama” before drifting back to sleep.
And while I’m still exhausted, those memories help me realize that I’m going to remember the innumerable happy moments we have now–and not just how little sleep I’m getting!
Tragic Sandwich – I love those memories you have. And now I have to find out the meaning behind tragic sandwich!
It’s on my “About Me” page!
Well, I didn’t have any maternity leave. I missed sleep. I liked having the mother’s helpers clean the kitchen. Also the course reduction and the minimal service. The baby himself was pretty neat, though I was fine with not interacting with him 24/7 (since I had to go into the department half the week and worked while mother’s helpers were there the rest of the working week). I got an awful lot of work done and was tremendously productive. He got a lot out of interacting with other adults besides just DH and me.
I don’t actually like babies much. I liked mine, but I like him more and more every day. I like 4 better than 3, 3 better than 2, 2 better than 1 and so on.
Am I ready to do it again… meh. If it happens #2 will be adorable, I am sure.
nicoleandmaggie, my mom said something very similar–she was never interested in babies until she had her own. She said that people would say, “Do you want to hold the baby?” and her instinct was to say, “No, I really don’t.” For the record, she was an amazing mom.
I didn’t really “love” babies until my own either! I wonder if it keeps getting better..Will you one day say I like 18 better than 17 or does the love level off a bit once they hit the terrible teens!
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