In the comments section of House of Peanut’s post about planning weekend fun, someone mentioned that she has to do all the planning in her household — the husband is just not the planner type. That is such a common statement among married women that I’m wondering if anyone out there has the opposite experience? It seems that 100% of women I know online or in real life is the CEO of household logistics, whether both spouses work or not. If the women is the only one working or the one with the full-time/ less flexible job, that does change the dynamics. But all things being equal, who does the majority of the planning (childcare, doctor appointments)? Who does the gift buying? Who does the travel planning (hotels, airfare, research)? Who does the meal planning, if that’s done at all? Who plans the fun weekends??
Most women justify this by saying that they’re just better at planning and research (which I’m not saying isn’t true). Yet if men can plan wars and proposals, so why can’t they plan household-related things and daily life? I’ve also known very disorganized, flaky women who somehow end up being the planners in their households, simply because they worked on this skill. In those cases, the husband is usually also bad at planning and once kids come along (or the woman just gets tired of boring weekends), the woman takes up the organizing mantle and reads a lot of magazine articles for tips. Hell,the January 2013 issue of Real simple is all about organizing your life year-round. I doubt men’s magazines focus on that. When men do focus on time-saving (like the 4 day work week), it’s to escape the corporate rat race and free up time to do things like travel the world or bungee jump…
In my household, it would definitely fall on me to plan travel and weekend fun (with kids). My husband does more of the doctor appointment planning due to his flexible schedule though. He’s also more prone to plan fun without kids. We both suck at meal planning… However I think if we both worked 9 to 5, I’m more likely to do the research/planning for the majority of things.
So, question 1, who is the planner and why in your household?
On another slightly related note, who does the apologizing? I keep reading articles, or seeing comic bits, where the man is told to say he’s sorry even if he thinks he’s right in order to keep the peace with the wife (who is also implied to be illogical yet probably right anyway). Apparently my husband has not gotten that message.
So I always end up apologizing or drag a half-hearted apology from him after months of discussion. Like the stereotypical man in a relationship, it would be easier if I just said I’m sorry and be done with it even if in my heart of hearts, I don’t think I’m wrong. So should I just “man up” and do that for relationship peace?? I never seem to get the apology I want anyway. I wonder if men take that advice and if so, how do they not get angry at always having to apologize?
Question 2: Who does most of the apologizing in your household?