Blogging Is Failing As A Journal

A while back, I wrote about being embarrassed about past journal entries, especially those around the pre-teen and teen years.  After skimming through a few, I destroyed them all.  I would rather not remember details than have someone stumble upon by accident.  I sort of hope that blogging would take the place of these angst-filled journals.

The problem is that I hesitate to document my day-to-day life even if I’m anonymous.  If I read between the lines of my own past posts, I can gauge my mood and sometimes remember the impetus for certain thoughts or rants.  However, most of the time, the post is too vague to help me recall events.  Part of me really wants to remember my life more clearly, especially where the kids are concerned.  Part of me wants to retain my privacy.  I know a few “mom” bloggers who struggle with this as their kids get older.  It’s one thing to share the cute/funny/bad of life with babies and toddlers; it’s another thing when the kids are old enough to understand and may not want their private life in the public eye.

For now, I have no answer except to keep on blogging, since I don’t only need this outlet for journaling.

How private or public is your blog?  Do you worry about your kid/family’s privacy? 

Mom Blogs

I feel somewhat guilty for not blogging much about my kids, other than how this relates to the work/life balance.  Part of it is related to privacy.  A bigger reason is that I haven’t really found much to say.  It hasn’t been for lack of trying.  I thought I would have a lot to add to the saturated world of “mom” blogs.   I started many, many drafts but rarely get past first drafts.  I’ve also realized that every possible mom-related niche is taken.  Working Mom.  Stay Home Mom. Feminist Mom.  Happy Mom. Ranting Mom. Design Mom.  Simple-living slacker mom.  You get the picture…  

Now that I’ve read “Operating Instructions” by Anne Lamott, I think my guilt has been lifted. Written before the advent of blogs (1989), the author chronicles the first crazy year of her son’s life.  Much has been said about it but it really is the original “mom” blog and very funny, poignant and true.

My parenting experience is very different from Anne Lamott’s.  She was a single mom/writer raising a son in Northern California,  supported by an extended group of family and friends.  I have a husband and a steady income.  However, parenthood is a binding experience. You sort of feel like war vets who have been “in the trenches” together.

True, I haven’t capture the minutiae of my particular experience but I think everything was said in her book so I don’t have to say it again.  To quote:

At birth: “He was the most beautiful  thing I had ever seen. He was like moonlight.”

On parental love: “Now there is something that could happen that I could not survive: I could lose Sam [her son].  I look down into his staggeringly lovely little face, and I can hardly breathe sometimes.  He is all I ever wanted…I feel that he has completely ruined my life, because I just didn’t care all that much.”

On sleepless nights: “Sam sleeps for four hours at a stretch now, which is one of the main reasons I’ve decided to keep him.”

There’s a lot more that I can quote from the book, but I highly recommend reading it  during pregnancy or before you even have kids!

How I Read Blogs

Just for fun, here’s a glimpse of my decision-making skills (and my first chart…):

Note: I included 2 mood options for the purpose of this chart. I normally do not arrive at work very angry or super happy, just more in the middle.

Why Blogging Is Better Than A Diary

Have you ever re-read your old diaries?  Years ago, I came across a few notebook/diaries that covered late adolescence (Hello Kitty notebooks…Purple ink…Unhealthy obsession with 80s pop bands!) to high school age (unrequited crushes…forgotten arguments…mean girls, and mean boys…).  I must say that I was a bit appalled and embarassed by my own thoughts and confessions.  After re-living a few highly dramatic moments, I destroyed these.  

I’m sure that my actions are appalling to anyone who has ever kept a diary, and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I was a bit hesitant.  I’m sure that if I had re-read everything, there had to be some deeper insights along with the teen angst.  In the end, I was more fearful of having them discovered someday.  I am no longer that person and I wouldn’t want any family member finding out some of the horrible things I wrote about them during my angry youthful days.   I’m not saying that there isn’t some value at reading your old thoughts and feelings but for me, it just brought out bad memories.  I think I tend to dwell on negatives rather than write about good things.  I was pretty dramatic also, as are most teenagers I suppose.

So now instead of keeping a journal, I keep on blogging.  For me, the most important difference between a blog and diary is that I’m forced to think through what I say/write before hitting the publish button.  That fact alone makes me less negative and more thoughtful.   Maybe a diary  is more truthful, but at least I won’t be embarassed if I read my own thoughts 20 years from now!

Do you keep your old diaries or are you worried someone will discover them?

An Honest Blog

Another Every Wednesday Post…

One of my fears is being “outed” or having this blog discovered by friends and family.  I don’t tell people about this blog; I don’t post real pictures;  I don’t ever plan to post pictures of my kids;  I schedule posts way ahead of time sometimes, so that the chronology is a bit askew. Only my husband knows and he doesn’t even know how often I update. 

I think the reason behind this fear is that I would probably censor myself if friends and family became readers.  At the same time, it’s not like I write anything truly controversial.  Well, wanting universal healthcare and calling myself a feminist isn’t controversial in my book.  And regardless of political, religious or social convictions, in life and on my blog, I’m pretty moderate and open to other viewpoints. 

My 2012 resolution is to address my fears…so I’m wondering if it’s time I’m more honest on my blog? I personally find open, honest blogs more interesting to read yet I hold back.  How open/honest are you? Do you reveal a lot of personal information?

Outside Your Comfort Zone

Do you read blogs that don’t “fit” into your main blog profile? I noticed that most food bloggers link to other food bloggers, moms to moms, 20-something money bloggers to other similar blogs. That makes sense because readers are probably looking for similar info and blogrolls are a great way to discover blogs with similar focus/interest.

However, just like in real life I guess, I’ve always been attracted to the “exotic” or differences. I love traveling for that reason.  While my husband and I do have similar politics and values, we come from different cultures and continents.  And for blogs, I like to read about people that are very different from me.  

I’m far from my 20s but I have several 2o-something  personal finance bloggers on my blog roll.  I never read social/political books but I like to read about these topics at Consciously Frugal.  I’m not in the 1% but I also like to read the Wall Street Journal (don’t ask why…). I’m not religious at all but lately I started reading a faith-based blog called Faith Permeating Life.  I am nowhere as put together or visual or happy as any of these design-friendly bloggers: A Cup of Jo, Oh Happy Day, and Sweet Fine Day. 

In truth, I have more in common with the “mom” blogs that so many people make fun of. I’ve found several that write on many topics besides parenthood while allowing that parenting/children is an all-encompassing topic.   I like starting my day with Grumpy Rumblings, Wandering Scientist or A Tragic Sandwich.

There are so many good blogs out there and I’m too lazy to link-love them all.  

How about you? Do you follow bloggers whose lives are vastly different from yours? 

I Forgot..

Every Wednesday, I’ll (try) to post up a Simple Living Tip, with an emphasis on tips that can be done while living a more traditional 9-to-5 life. 

I forgot that I have a blog…thus, I forgot about posting up a simple living tip.