It’s funny. Some of my favorite bloggers write very good, no-holds barred rants on topics ranging from over-the-top party planners to hated celebrities. And it goes without saying that some of my favorites posts on a multitude of blogs are rants. Yet everytime I start writing “rant” type posts, I either don’t finish or post a rather watered-down version.
Here’s how it typically goes:
Step One: Pick A Topic: My go-to target is Gwneyth Paltrow and GOOP. I start my rant. She’s an easy topic for me or for anyone for that matter. Who doesn’t laugh at a privileged white rich girl married to a rock star who decides to dispense advice to the masses? Anyway, I decided to subscribe to the GOOP newsletter so I can get a first-hand peek at her life. There is plenty of fodder for rants. A recent newsletter highlighted a friend dropping by for dinner, only that friend isn’t an unemployed buddy from college like it might be for us regular folks. That friend is a world famous Spanish chef who makes authentic paella and a few recipes with pate and truffles!
Step Two: Write Fast: Usually when I feel like ranting, I go on a roll. I can’t type fast enough to capture my own thoughts.
Step Three: Self-Censorship or Decimate Original Article: After letting my draft sit in the queue for a few days, I start deleting more hurtful words or sentences. I may even clarify sentences that seem to harsh. Example: If I write a particularly mean-spirited sentence about Gwyneth Paltrow, I will add something like, ”She probably doesn’t even realize this due to her pampered upbringing”. I might even add a praise or two, as: “While I think she’s a talented actress and enjoyed her work in Sliding Doors and Shakespeare in Love…” See, where I’m going?
It’s as if I expect Gwyneth Paltrow or the head of her fan club to stumble upon my blog! And even so, it’s not like I really care or should really care if I offend someone. That’s the beauty of a good rant, right?
Another problem is that I tend to see the gray in everything. I do think some of the tips in the GOOP newsletter are helpful. I do think Gwyneth Paltrow has good fashion sense.
Step Four: Publish a watered-down rant, which I probably would only describe as random thoughts, or don’t post at all. (Example 1: I wanted to title a post “I Hate My Dogs” and then changed it to “Sometimes I Hate Having Dogs.”; Example 2: I wanted to say “I Hate Foodies” but changed the title and shortened the post to the less offensive “Don’t Call Me A Foodie.”)
Anyway, as I work on making this blog more honest, I will attempt to write a few good rants now and then. If you knew me in real life, you’d know that’s more my style than the polite version you get here!
Do you love to read or write rants?