Money Books: YMOYL vs. All The Money In The World

There is no real “battle” between the much-acclaimed “Your Money or Your Life (YMoYL)” and the recently published “All The Money In The World (ATM)”.  In fact, they probably spring from the much of the same philosophy and focus on our relationship with money.  However, I think reading these back-to-back inspired me in completely different ways.

First some background…My natural frugal tendencies is often in conflict with some entreprenuerial impulses.  In general, frugality wins.  It’s not to say I  haven’t ventured out into more entreprenuerial territory but it’s definitely outside my comfort zone.   I have enough on my plate with my full-time job, commute, family, and other priorities in life.  Excuses aside, I sometimes wish I devoted more energy and money to earning more instead of just saving money via sales, negotiating and couponing.

“Your Money or Your Life” resonated with me because it largely supports an ‘alternative’ view of living, one  that is miles away from the rat race.  After finishing this book, I felt strongly that we should move to Italy with our kids.  I am ready for the next phase of my life, whatever that may be.  My husband is tired of life in the U.S. and we have always wanted to raise our kids in Europe, with Italy being the logical location.  While there are many cons, from economic woes to healthcare crisis, we felt that our kids would benefit from Italian culture and heritage.  

“All the Money in the World” appealed to my long dormant entrepreneurial side.   It made me question my choices and wonder if I should have been or become more focus on earning more, even if that means staying in the rat race.  That’s not to say ATM is the opposite of YMoYL.  In fact, ATM’s author is very entrepreneurial and has found her dream career, one that is lucrative enough and flexible for her and her family.  Much like YMoYL, she asks us to re-examine our choices in spending and questions whether our spending is aligned with our values.   The difference, is in the details.  While she cites examples from readers and other sources, I was most struck by examples from her own life.  In the chapter “Ode to a Ziploc bag”, she talks about our tendency to spend more as we get used to higher standards of living.  In one example, she recounts splurging on a $21.99 toy train for her son.  He has more than enough trains just as so many of us have enough shoes, clothes, electronics and other “toys”.   At what point is it enough?  However, what struck me more most about this example was that she could afford to spend that amount.  I want to spend on my kids without worry.  Would we be able to do that if we move to Italy and essentially start over?

My conflicting responses to these two books is probably more indicative of my state of mind than the intended messages.  I think both books have value and will make you examine your own money beliefs.

My Perfect Weekend

A Chapter of Laura Vanderkam’s book “All The Money In The World” focuses on a reader’s perfect weekend.  For most people, the perfect weekend involves spending money, even if it doesn’t have to be high amounts.  Even if you focus on quality time with friends and family, there is usually some spending on food, entertainment or other expenditures.

This got me thinking about my perfect weekend.  While the book and most people would lay it out by time, I thought I would just list ideas and categorized by costs:

No-Cost

• Sleep, Sleeping In, Napping.
• Sex.
• Play with kids. 
• Go to the park with family. 
• Go to a friend’s house and watch DVDs.
• Read a library book or a favorite old book. 
• Stay up late.
• Take a long, leisurely walk in a park, preferably by a pond

Low-Cost

• Exercising (can be a DVD or using the gym membership, which is a cost). 
• Watch a marathon of a favorite show (netflix or already owned)
• A nice meal at home (cooked by my husband)
• Starbucks cappuccino or latte
• Calling in sick (I’m counting this as a “cost” since this would deduct from my sick days.  For some reason, things that are a bit off the straight and narrow really appeal to me!)
• Massage ( from husband)
• Taco or Tamales night

High-Cost

• Hire a personal assistant to tackle all the things I hate doing, like help clean out the garage, mopping, getting oil change, handwashing clothes, washing dogs, washing dog mats at the laundromat, etc..the list goes on! (Or I could just switch places with some A-List celebrity for a day?)
• Massage and Facial (can be fairly inexpensive if you get a good deal on Groupon or LivingSocial; also see low-cost option above!)
• Expensive dinner out – sushi?
• Baby sitter for one night (can also barter this if you have a trustworthy friend/neighbor/family member)
• Hotel stay near the beach
• Drinks at a bar (something we rarely/never get to do!)

How would you plan out your perfect weekend? It starts Friday evening!

Book In Progress: All The Money In The World

After finishing “Your Money Or Your Life” (YMOYL), I felt the need to continue my mental shift toward money and decided to read All The Money In The World by Laura Vanderkam.  The author herself was kind enough to email me a PDF of the book despite knowing that I jot down my ongoing thoughts rather than write a full review.  Note to self: I would like to write a wrap-up of my thoughts on YMOYL but that may not be happening soon, or ever!

Here are my random thoughts after reading the first few chapters.

I like her clear, concise writing style.  “Your Money or Your Life” felt more warm and fuzzy; the tone of this book is more like your most practical best friend.

Chapter 1 “What Else Can That Wedding Ring Buy?” — The author  uses the cost of a wedding ring as a springboard to discuss “opportunity costs”‘; in other words, what can you do with the same amount of money.  Is it more worth while to buy a $5,000 ring but can’t afford cleaning help or date nights when you have kids years later?  Obviously some people can do both, but as someone who is now carefully watching household expenses after kids,  I’m 100% sure that the wiser decision for us was to skip the diamond ring and have the money to get cleaning and nanny/babysitter help!

Chapter 2 “Don’t Scrimp More, Make More” — The main point of this chapter is to illustrate how you can make a bigger difference in your quality of life if you focus on making more money instead of scrimping every penny.  I generally agree, however with huge caveats.    I think go-getters and people who have “succeeded” often make the assumption that savers have less ambition; if they would only build up their skill set, they could make more money instead of clipping coupons and cutting cable, etc..  While I can see the reason for that assumption, I also think that it’s not the complete picture.  I have good friends in both camps — those who are more natural go-getters/entrepreneurial and those who are not.  While both can have similar educational backgrounds, go-getters are usually more skilled at two very socially-valuable skills: networking and selling themselves.  Time and time again, I see my go-getter friends succeed while the others lose out on jobs, deals, etc… Does this mean you shouldn’t try if you’re not a natural at these socially-valued skills? Of course not. It is very possible to greatly improve at these skills and it is possible to compete and “win” since a variety of factors also come into play in any given situation.

For those who succeeded or are more entrepreneurial, it’s hard to imagine why anyone would “waste time” and scrimp through life.  What I think gets forgotten is that it gets extremely disheartening to be second-choice or third-choice. After a certain number of years, it’s better (for some people) to focus on other things besides job/career/money success and focus on saving money, even it is doing something as mundane as coupon clipping (!) And while I still can’t imagine going to extremes for couponing, saving money is something within everyone’s control and hence more appealing to many.

I do have a tip to add for those who lean towards scrimping. Learn to negotiate!  Negotiate your salary is most important but you can also save when you shop, buy a house, buy a car, on cable bills, on medical expenses, etc.. Doing this often and doing this well will make a bigger difference than cutting coupons.

This book can be helpful to many but I think it’s most useful for those in their 20s/30s with entrepreneurial leanings.  If you find ways to make more money and be smarter with your financial resources, you’ll go a long way and the sooner you learn those lessons the better!

Back to reading…

Financial Independence And Co-Dependence

As I get close to the end of “Your Money or Your Life”, I alternate between feelings of inspiration and depression, for lack of a better adjective.  Chapter 8 of YMOYL focuses on the cross-over point, when you reach financial independence and reap the rewards.  There are many success stories which are inspiring. Some people quit their jobs to volunteer, spend time with family and friends, and/or travel.  Those are the kinds of stories that I expected to read.  However, many people take a sabbatical and then go back to work.  The point is that choosing to work is very different than having to work. 

At the same time, I get somewhat depressed, or deflated, when I think of taking that next step and the consequences.  The big “What ifs” pop in my head.  I’m ready to move on to the next phase of my life but I can’t imagine feeling so free mentally in regards to finances.  I am used to a steady paycheck with paid vacations;  I imagine that financial worries would seep into my muddled head.  We’ll see how this plays out….

Financial independence is harder to achieve when your spouse is not onboard.  My husband is just not interested in reading or discussing finances.  I have told him about my readings but I doubt he’ll ever read the book himself. 

Like it or not, our financial lives are intertwined.  I don’t believe in separate finances, other than some fun spend money, because it all comes out of the same pot in the end.  When we don’t jointly focus on our household spending now, we both end up spending more.  Luckily he has adjusted to my frugal tendencies over the years even though he thinks I’m a bit obsessed.  Our backgrounds are so different that it’s hard for him to imagine a life where you can’t fall back on your parents as a last resort.  Even when he worries about money, I feel that he believes things will work out.  I don’t think like that.  I imagine worse-case scenarios.

I guess I really need to pay attention to Chapter 9, which talks about managing your finances.  I also lined up another finance/lifestyle book for reinforcement and ideas. Next up: All The Money In The World.. I really hope that I can reach a place where I view money as a tool and not be so paranoid.

Have you crossed over to true financial independence? If so, what’s your story?